Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
