Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
