a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
