i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
