dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize