I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
