i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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