turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
