My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
