I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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