No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
