She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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