Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
