you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
