Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
