and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
