NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
sex in a hospital.. check
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
