Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
