***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
