I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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