the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
