I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
