I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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