even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
