I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
