She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
