new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she told me i tasted like america
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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