Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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