today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
