I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
