how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
