So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
