i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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