shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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