Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
