Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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