so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Shame - the story of my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
