I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am naked and annoyed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
