jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
