Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
