shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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