there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
