My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
