Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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