you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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