Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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