The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
