Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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