apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
