i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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