cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
