Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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