You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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