The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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