my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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