Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
