I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
