I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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