i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
