The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
