I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
