Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
