Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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