Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
