I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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