If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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