Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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