lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't deserve a penis
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
