maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
