I'm really into asian looking animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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