Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
