Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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