i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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