he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize